Skill 7. Meta-Communicating

   Communication occurs on two levels simultaneously when two people are talking—the content level and the Meta-Communication level. The content level is the topic or words of the conversation, whereas the Meta-Communication level is the quality of the interpersonal relationship.

Like an iceberg, the words make up the 10% of the exposed iceberg, while their relationship—the way they feel about each other—makes up the bulk of the 90% of the submerged iceberg.

META-COMMUNIATION examines the qualities of the relationship.

Here are some Meta-Communication questions you can ask:
“How is our relationship doing?”
“How can I love you more?”
“What can I do to make you feel more supported?”
“How am I doing as a husband?”
“Am I being a good friend to you?”

Now return to the world and talk about the quality of your relationship with someone who matters. You might be pleased with what you discover beneath the surface.


Strength and honor.